This is 30?!?

This one hit me like a ton of bricks. I was today years old when I came to the realization that you do not have to have everything figured out by 30! Cue sigh of relief. That’s right, I said it. This is me officially giving you permission to continue on this wild journey called life without those dreaded deadlines we thought we needed to meet by a certain age. Seriously it is OK that you are not married, have kids, have a “respectable adult job” (whatever that is), or own a home with a white picket fence (or in my dream a Manhattan loft) by 30. If you do then kudos to you and please share with the class your secret formula. For those who are still in the trial-and-error phase of it all I encourage you to keep going and whatever you do, do not settle for mediocracy just because you feel like time is running out or because every time you log onto Facebook or Instagram you see this filtered ass version of everyone’s lives. You, my friend, deserve the actual life of your dreams whatever that looks like for you, and what’s even better is that you have plenty of time to get there. If you were anything like me, and I’m just going, to be honest here, I spent most of my 20s just fucking around. Literally and figuratively. I had little to no discipline when it came to setting long-term goals and meeting them. My goals were to work enough to pay minimal bills and have enough to make it to the weekend to turn up with my friends! I know I know, priorities, right? Well, mines were all over the place and since I was good at getting promoted, I thought I was in the clear. Don’t get me wrong I had a decent work ethic I just lacked ambition and discipline. Who doesn’t struggle with this in their 20s? So how can we expect to be established by our 30s?!?!

I am 31 turning 32 very soon and I am just now realizing what I want to do with my life and that I have the potential and resources to do it. I’m also learning to hold myself accountable and working on that discipline thing. Am I the only one who grew up thinking that the only way to make my parents proud was to go to college and become something like a doctor or lawyer? Let’s be realistic although those professions are obviously super respectable and lucrative that life isn’t for everyone. I am your typical Puerto Rican from the Bronx (yerrr!) and most of my job experience lies in customer service. I have worked in a bank as a teller, in a Broadway theatre as an usher, and eventually made my way to good old hospitality. For those of you who know; working in the hotel industry is absolute hell (in my opinion at least) ESPECIALLY the front desk! I was just miserable at one point. Even as a manager earning a decent salary, living in a beautiful spacious NY apartment (because let’s face it that is an accomplishment on its own, everybody knows NY is hella expensive), my work-life balance was shit. Barely saw my friends and family unless it was planned super in advance, worked every weekend and most holidays. Spent most of my free time after work taking shots with my equally overworked and stressed-out co-workers because that was all our schedules really allowed. I started to realize I did not want to live this lifestyle forever. Was this it? Work a job that stressed me out entirely too much just to pay bills, live check to check? Work to support my future kids which by the way I should be having soon because some biological clock was ticking as I got older? I started thinking “there’s just got to be more to life than this”, would you look at that, my priorities were changing. But this didn’t happen until I was 2 seconds away from turning 30 but hey that was just me. Full disclosure I got married and moved from the big apple to the peach state.

I thought maybe it just sucked working hotels in NY, maybe just maybe working in Atlanta would be different… NOPE! Turns out there are entitled assholes everywhere. Don’t get me wrong I completely understand people have a level of expectation in service when they are paying for said service but please take into consideration most of those in customer service, especially people working the front lines are there to assist of course but also have a responsibility to enforce. Just imagine how fun it is to enforce policies and rules you did not come up with and probably do not agree with. And for those who like to say, “if you hate your job so much just quit and find another one”, it obviously is easier said than done right? We all have bills to pay, maybe a little one to support or family to help. Although covid did play a big part in the short period of time that I worked in this fancy-schmancy Atlanta hotel I still hated it. So, I was at a crossroads in my life, I had a decision to make. I knew I was done with hospitality, but I had no clue what to do next. On top of that, I had this crazy sense of guilt, I mean who quits a job in the middle of a pandemic?

*PANIC*

                                              

Millions of people lost their jobs and here I am contemplating quitting?! I mean never mind being understaffed and oversold that was just the new norm. That physical manifestation of anxiety in the form of a racing heart, dry heaving, shortness of breath, and sweaty palms while getting ready for work was just… what? A part of my morning routine now?

*Hold up, wait a minute that can’t be right*

 It was especially discouraging because I was in a new city where I had relatively zero connections. The reason I was so confused about my next step was that I felt like I needed to get a “practical job”. While I was on the hunt for said safe job, I came across a writing course online and I thought to myself it was something I should do. I had always wanted to be a writer but never thought I could seriously do it; it was more of a hobby I wanted to get back into as an outlet for myself on the side. The course offered help with taking your writing to the next level, getting paid for your writing! I couldn’t believe it; I didn’t have to write the next Harry Potter franchise to be a successful writer. I brought it up to my husband as an idea for a side gig and he really supported me, it was his idea to focus on my writing full time. So, I enrolled in the course, and here I am, sharing a piece of my journey with you. It is incredibly early in the journey; I honestly do not know what is going to happen next but at least I have some direction. I get it, trust me I do but I just want to take this opportunity to remind you to at least try to carve out some time for yourself in the middle of the madness that is adulting. Work on your music, your writing, your art, your photography, or whatever idea you have brewing in the back of your mind, you just never know where it could take you. It is a little cliché, but the opportunities are endless. Stop selling yourself short and putting so much pressure on yourself to have all the right answers, take this moment to look back and give yourself some credit for not being in the same space you were 5 or even 10 years ago. Start something new, try and fail and try again, surround yourself with people who believe in you, support you, and know that you can achieve those goals you thought were out of reach, at any age or stage in your life. Know that in 5 to 10 years from now you will again be in a new phase and your priorities will change. We are meant to grow as time moves forward, as you live and learn. It is OK that you are still figuring shit out, but do not stop the search. It is so worth it, I promise.